The Adrenaline Rush

On doctor's orders, I'm supposed to decrease the level of adrenaline in my system.

It has many negative effects, of course, this perpetual "flight or fight" response. In my particular case, the senses of smell and hearing are on overdrive and I've been clenching (and clenching) (and clenching) my jaw.

So I'm working at this from two angles, trying to minimize overstimulating situations and finding ways to exercise and work off the stored-up adrenaline.

It seems to be particularly difficult these days, to simply "coast along." (Visualize sailing. Wait, I'm terrified of deep water)

My boys live for the thrill of competition. For instance, N, now 17, competes in track. Tonight they will announce the Broadway Theater League Awards for 2015 and he is in the running for "Best Male Lead." (It's everything I can do not to bite my nails as I wait).

There are some "big" situations in our family life right now - a BFF battling breast cancer, for example.

I long to look at beautiful landscapes without battling crowds and traffic.

Small steps...(?)(?)(?)

I just finished a successful first semester back in graduate school (Well, grades aren't posted.I don't actually know for sure if I passed...holding my breath and clenching my teeth until they are!)(Wait! I'm trying not to do just that!)

The Spring 2015 semester is over (and grades are DUE. There is so much work to do to calculate grades).

Sunday is Mother's Day (Damn it! I don't have any cards in the mail!)

Where I Walked

I enjoy taking on the challenge of a daily photo prompt. Sometimes it takes me a few days to get myself organized enough to stage and snap the photo, but doing so often redirects my mood.

Yesterday's photo prompt was "where I walk."

The boys and I had been planning to take the dog on a walk around a local nature trail but I had found myself very tired and unmotivated lately. Tired from long days of training for my new job. Unmotivated by the lingering cold, wet weather.

So yesterday we put on our walking shoes (somehow one boy still forgot socks), grabbed a leash and the dog, and headed to Swallow Hallow. I was eager to take some beautiful "where I walk" landscape photos.

Our two youngest boys are now eight and ten years old. Although they are well beyond the toddler state, they still find sticks to use as weapons, climb trees, and insist on doing "parkur" throughout the forest. I am infuriated when one boy decides to carve his initials into a tree using his jack knife. However, we enjoyed searching for initials carved into other trees throughout the trail.

I'm tense as we walk around the large pond, watching out for their safety (and the safety of other hikers who might be hit by the sticks they throw). Animal life and birds scatter away long before we can see or hear them.

It occurs to me that I haven't hiked without fear (without these boy distractions) in many, many years.

The older boys used to run, climb, and jump their way through the trail in a similar fashion.

I'm a boy mom, and this is how, and where, I walk.

Another Reason to Hate "Frozen"

I know it's counter culture, but I hate the Disney movie, "Frozen."

These lyrics hit close to home.

"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman?"

Elsa?
Do you wanna build a snowman?
Come on, let's go and play!
I never see you anymore, come out the door
It's like you've gone away
We used to be best buddies, and now we're not
I wish you would tell me why
Do you wanna build a snowman?
It doesn't have to be a snowman
(Go away, Anna!)
Okay, bye

Time Warp

I'm finally feeling in sync with daylight savings time. 

I found myself unable to function after 7 p.m. last week, and awake at 4 a.m.

This morning I arrived 15 minutes late for class, even though I was on campus an hour early! I "time warped" while correcting exams in the library. How embarrassing! When I finally find an uninterrupted hour, time seems to fly by.

Next week we celebrate Veteran's Day and the children have an afternoon off of school thanks to teacher conferences. 

Have you ever experienced a time warp? Are you more productive under a routine or with lots of free time?

Feeling at (the nursing) Home

Our boys are quite comfortable visiting the nursing home.

When I was pregnant with the youngest I was visiting regularly, even when the smells were overwhelming to my expectant nose.

Over the years we spent many Christmases there with the great (great) grandmother and my grandmother.

Our oldest ministers at the nursing home every other Sunday, singing and playing the piano. I'm grateful that our church considers this to be a high priority.

Generally, the children don't feel nervous, even inside the memory ward where they see the residents carrying dolls like babies and they hear screams from behind closed doors. Last night, however, J (almost 8) had to be pulled, kicking and screaming, out of the minivan. He didn't want to go inside the nursing home.

Perhaps it was because he was dressed in his Batman costume. We were on our way to the community costume parade/Beggar's Night. I tried to convince him that the residents would be thrilled to see a Super Hero. Finally, he conceded.

Indeed. The Memory Ward was filled with laughter and smiles when he entered the dining hall. One dear old woman pulled a homemade cookie out of the bag on her walker and handed it to him. The desk attendant found a Reeses's and a Butterfinger inside her desk drawer and dropped it into his trick-or-treating pumpkin.

I took a photo of J sticking his little tongue out at our friend (the reason for our visits there). I treasure the scene.

The twinkle in her eyes had surfaced and she asked the same question she asks every time we see her (if she is feeling well), "How old do you think I am?" (I always find this difficult to answer. She is 92. What is a polite answer, "I think you don't look a day over 70?!")

Recently, I've left my responsibility to visit the nursing home "on a back burner" behind all of the other pressing demands on my time. Now it's time to step it up.

The Sweet Life of J.C. Lane

By all counts this has been a tough week. A death in the family, the death of two friends, the shooting in Canada, Isis, Ebola...

On a lighter note, though nonetheless frustrating, we are, all six of us, heavy into "run, drop, crash"mode. All six of our schedules are such that we run like crazy during the day to work, volunteer obligations, and sports practices, then drop all of our "stuff" off on the floor in order to sit down for a few precious moments. Quickly, we "crash" against the wall of fatigue.

I'm just too tired to deal with the sorting and unpacking and filing.

Thankfully, the band that uses the recording studio here every weekend truly doesn't seem to mind. They are low maintenance - water bottles and frozen pizza.

In spite of the difficult situations swirling around us (and the bothers of technology, leaky pipes, and ripped jeans), I keep finding myself thinking, "I'm living EXACTLY the life I wanted...right now."

I get to sub in the boys' elementary school. On Tuesday, W ran into me in the cafeteria. He literally RAN INTO me with a tackle hug. It was the best hug ever.

I get to spend time with my college student son, during our now twice weekly car rides to/from Buffalo. We are exploring the city together, discovering cool eating spots and music stores. And donuts...some amazing donuts.

I just finished an intensive 8-week IT course on Multimedia in Education. Now, I'm determined to use the same amount of effort to learn to knit. I actually washed wool last weekend! OK, so it's still "drying" on the floor of two rooms and I have NO idea how to card it. But still. I've had sheep for 13 years while never before even washing a fleece so I'm pretty darn proud.

Mr. WestBerryDad and I get to "hang out." It's true, we're out in the rain at football games and out in the barn giving shots, but we are home at the same time more often now.

I'm so glad that I made the move out of the windowless office prison cell.

It's a sweet life.

Writer's Cramps and Blocks

I'm living EXACTLY the life I hoped for when I made the decision to leave my job at The Amusement Park. I am able to go to the boys' football games, I don't have to rush around every morning, I am learning and seeing many new things.

I'm slowly, but surely, making my way though the piles of boxes in the attic and the shop that have been there since we moved three years ago. I especially love to see the progress I've made when, on garbage days, the decomposed, mouse-infested items GO.

Sometimes, I even find time to exercise :)

Today I have a PILE of writing to complete.

Two essays for a graduate program application. One will describe the policy implications of Obamacare (well, a few of them). Did you know that the Health Care Act is over 900 pages in length? And there is a lot of fine print.

A paper on Baroque Opera for Music Appreciation class.

The "story" of my oldest son's summer vacation and first few weeks of college - my promise to help him through his PILE of overdue thank you notes.

The final project for my "Multimedia in Education Class," an IBook on the djembe.

Still, these chores are much more enjoyable than my the work I did before.

"Let's Do This."