The Adrenaline Rush

On doctor's orders, I'm supposed to decrease the level of adrenaline in my system.

It has many negative effects, of course, this perpetual "flight or fight" response. In my particular case, the senses of smell and hearing are on overdrive and I've been clenching (and clenching) (and clenching) my jaw.

So I'm working at this from two angles, trying to minimize overstimulating situations and finding ways to exercise and work off the stored-up adrenaline.

It seems to be particularly difficult these days, to simply "coast along." (Visualize sailing. Wait, I'm terrified of deep water)

My boys live for the thrill of competition. For instance, N, now 17, competes in track. Tonight they will announce the Broadway Theater League Awards for 2015 and he is in the running for "Best Male Lead." (It's everything I can do not to bite my nails as I wait).

There are some "big" situations in our family life right now - a BFF battling breast cancer, for example.

I long to look at beautiful landscapes without battling crowds and traffic.

Small steps...(?)(?)(?)

I just finished a successful first semester back in graduate school (Well, grades aren't posted.I don't actually know for sure if I passed...holding my breath and clenching my teeth until they are!)(Wait! I'm trying not to do just that!)

The Spring 2015 semester is over (and grades are DUE. There is so much work to do to calculate grades).

Sunday is Mother's Day (Damn it! I don't have any cards in the mail!)

Where I Walked

I enjoy taking on the challenge of a daily photo prompt. Sometimes it takes me a few days to get myself organized enough to stage and snap the photo, but doing so often redirects my mood.

Yesterday's photo prompt was "where I walk."

The boys and I had been planning to take the dog on a walk around a local nature trail but I had found myself very tired and unmotivated lately. Tired from long days of training for my new job. Unmotivated by the lingering cold, wet weather.

So yesterday we put on our walking shoes (somehow one boy still forgot socks), grabbed a leash and the dog, and headed to Swallow Hallow. I was eager to take some beautiful "where I walk" landscape photos.

Our two youngest boys are now eight and ten years old. Although they are well beyond the toddler state, they still find sticks to use as weapons, climb trees, and insist on doing "parkur" throughout the forest. I am infuriated when one boy decides to carve his initials into a tree using his jack knife. However, we enjoyed searching for initials carved into other trees throughout the trail.

I'm tense as we walk around the large pond, watching out for their safety (and the safety of other hikers who might be hit by the sticks they throw). Animal life and birds scatter away long before we can see or hear them.

It occurs to me that I haven't hiked without fear (without these boy distractions) in many, many years.

The older boys used to run, climb, and jump their way through the trail in a similar fashion.

I'm a boy mom, and this is how, and where, I walk.