Fair Freedom

I thought about deleting yesterday's post. I was really a whiner. I was at a definite low.

Yesterday, show day, was difficult. The youngest filled his eyes with sawdust and had to be taken to the first aid station. W "disappeared" several times, leaving me worried and anxious.

But God sent me the perspective I needed.

First it was Mrs. M (long Polish last name. I won't even try). I had seen her oldest son sitting with her earlier in the week and I thought to myself, "Wow. Diabetes has really taken a toll on his body" (he's in his early 20's). Little did I know. I learned yesterday that in December he was pulled from his car, beaten and left for dead. The thieves took his coat.

All for a coat they hit him over and over with a piece of metal and he suffered a traumatic brain injury. Coming to the Fair every day is part of his therapy.

We did very well in the show. Champion Suffolk. Master Showman. Overall Best of Show.

I look back on year behind us and what we did to prepare. We sought out and bought N a new breed so that he might have a better chance of success at the Fair (it worked!). The boys and my husband spent many weekends moving pasture fence. Our animals were in excellent condition because of their efforts.

Today I'm thankful for our many freedoms...to attend the Fair (even if it is exhausting), to choose and afford the animals we have, for time off of our jobs, for our cars to help us with all of the running, for the washing machine and dishwasher :)

I'm grateful for our health and for the abundant energy the boys have.

Onto the pie eating contest, the Little Shepherd show and The Grand Master Showman contest.

Fair Crazies

Fair Induced Stress

It's Thursday, Sheep Show day.

I wish that I could watch the show from a webcam. I don't want to go to the Fair.

I can recognize the sources of stress and frustration but I can't seem to find a remedy or a solution.

1. J & W (ages 4 and 6) are over the top with excitement. Sugar +junk food +carnival rides + friends= high energy and sassiness. I find them almost unbearable. It might be fatigue - I slept in the van on the Fairgrounds last night next to N (age 13). Woke up at least 20 times by barking dogs from neighboring campers.

2. The Fair is smelly and dirty. I can't pack enough changes of clothes to keep myself and the family clean. Animal dirt doesn't really bother me...people dirt is bothering me A LOT (especially "the public" because I can smell the alcohol and drugs on them and my eyes zone in on their dental and skin diseases. It's disgusting.)

3. Family comes in today to watch the show. I understand that they are supporting us by coming to the show but the selfish side of me says, "if you really wanted to support us, watch the little kids so that I can watch the show." "Take them so that I can help the big kids get their animals ready." Why didn't I hire a sitter?

4. I should be grading papers. I should be getting the lawn mowed and the house ready to sell (the stress over the cottage sale is pushing me over the top, I'm sure). My to-do list seems never-ending. I try to work and the smallest children beg me to leave home for the Fair. It's a viscous cycle. I haven't managed to grade a single paper today or answer any student e-mails. It's almost 2 p.m. I've barely managed breakfast.

No conclusion.

My 2011 Fair Promise

Maybe this is more like a wish list.

I promise, this year, to try to worry less about whether or not the boys are wearing clean/dirty clothes. I will take enough extras to the campsite.

I will find a balance between running after the little ones and stopping to talk to old friends.

I won't feel resentful about what others do/don't do with their animals, our animals, their time or our time.

I will do my best to see the Fair through the eyes of the children, the younger and the older ones.

I will encourage the older ones to branch out and try new things without being overly bossy.

I will stroll through the Fairgrounds every day hand-in-hand with my husband. We will share a treat and maybe, we'll even watch a show.

Bring on the Fair!

Note: the sheep are moved in. The State Vet checked them out and they are all healthy. Tim is on his way here with the van. Next we go set up the campsite. 9 pm Monday

Surprised

I'm not a very trendy person. My clothes are threadbare and shabby because I buy them at the second hand store and then wear them for a good ten years (I'm ever grateful to my sweet husband who humors me by asking, with great sincerity, "Is that new? You look very nice.")

It's rare that I can say, "I saw that coming from a mile away." Just last week a former student of mine named Kate came into the store. She had been in my summer class two years ago, earning straight A's on her way to a teacher-education degree. She was energetic, funny, artistic and beautiful.

She is still beautiful, but her face shows signs of sadness and struggle. She has a newborn, her third child, and her husband left her in February. She works as a caricature artist at the local Amusement Park to feed her babies.

I tried my best to encourage her.

I'm surprised that my parents and my brother won't speak to me. I was surprised when a counselor suggested that this may be a spiritual battle. She encouraged me to pray to be delivered from the situation and to ask friends to pray and fast, asking for the same.

This past weekend was Old Fashioned at our church at there was something new...circus clowns. The theme was "under the big top"" and Pastor Olsen reminded us to have the heart and innocence of a child. It was a magical," delightful day, a true escape from the ugliness of work and family drama.

Earlier this summer J suffered a football injury at camp. He was literally blind sided and the hit nearly broke his knee. The injury took him out of his summer job.

Looking back now, that injury separated him from a potentially toxic environment.

God knows. He knows what we need. May I be open to His surprises.

iPad 2/ACU

I'm taking a course, the first in a series that will lead to a Certificate in Digital Leadersip, at Abilene Christian University.

In the words of the McDonald's Commercial, "I'm lovin' it."

Every student receives a free Ipad2. Just like my first and subsequent Mac computers, this little guy and I quickly became close friends.

Tonight we dropped the kids off at Vacation Bible School and we went to Tim Horton's for soup and sandwich.

Then, since the local TH didn't offer free wifi, we went to another joint for ice-cream and a signal.

We parked outside of the library to see if we could hop on their network, just for fun.

Patience

I've been doing a crummy job of practicing patience lately.

The children laugh and yell in the back seat of the car and I can't seem to stay focused on the road. I ask/beg them to be quiet. They don't. I lose it.

My brother hired an independent assessor to look at the cottage. We are waiting for it to be completed so that we can know if he will sell. Once the decision is made we can move forward with the purchase of a new house (they accepted our purchase offer this week, yay!!!!).

I want the cottage sale to happen NOW. I'm tired of the stress of not meeting deadlines for the purchase of our house. W (age 6) came to me bawling last night, "I dooon't waaaant to sell the cotttttage." I don't either. There are many reasons that make it so...we have to.

Can we please just get it over with?

Yesterday I waited on a couple I've looked down upon for several years (yes, I know). I met them when they were both college students...he, married and in his 40's and she, in her late teens and mentally challenged. He left his family to live with her.

Because of a system error her new phone wouldn't activate. 3 hours later...

I behaved poorly. I whined. I said things I shouldn't have. I offered to give her a ride home after he left her and went to work.

This caused a scene with my new Manager who now thinks I have very poor judgement.

I can do better.


Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)

“Patience serves as a protection against wrongs as clothes do against cold. For if you put on more clothes as the cold increases, it will have no power to hurt you. So in like manner you must grow in patience when you meet with great wrongs, and they will then be powerless to vex your mind.”
- Leonardo da Vinci, painter, engineer, musician, and scientist (1452-1519)

“Have patience! In time, even grass becomes milk.”
- Charan Singh, mystic (1916-1990)

God's way of answering the Christian's prayer for more patience, experience, hope, and love often is to put him into the furnace of affliction.
- Richard Cecil

“Patience is also a form of action.”
- Auguste Rodin, sculptor (1840-1917)

Images and Memories

I take a lot of pictures ("too many," say some).

There are two primary reasons.

1. I'm often fatigued and pulled in several directions by children, work, students...my own thoughts...LIFE. When I take pictures I have the impression that I can, in a small way, capture a moment that I know I'm not fully experiencing.

2. As an HSP, certain situations feel overwhelming. My brain is flooded by smells, colors, emotions, facial expressions, etc. Pictures are more manageable "chunks" that I can digest.

Lately I've been thinking about situations that can't be fit inside a "Kodak Moment."

The other night our cousins from Delaware met us at the local drive-in theater. The entire experience was new to J, our youngest. In the dark he was drawn to the screen..."It's soooo big!"

The sky looked big too. And full of bright stars. The smaller cousins munched happily on popcorn and pizza while they whacked at bugs with electrified swatters that K & S brought back from their vacation on the Island of St. John. The trees around us were filled with flashing lightening bugs.

It was a beautiful, magical moment with a scope (and lighting) impossible to capture with my camera.

I was so grateful for the invitation to the movies. Our oldest son's best friend, a high school freshman, had passed away that morning after a long, arduous battle with leukemia and ideopathic lung disease.

Today the entire football team walked from school to the funeral home dressed in their purple and white jerseys. Before they left the locker room they made a movie for Nick's family, taking turns sharing memories of their teammate and saying "good-bye" one by one.

I couldn't go into the calling hours myself. I had a sense that I would feel overwhelmed by strong emotions from others in the room. I want to remember Nick in his "restored" body, handsome, athletic, smiling.